Suzie Homemaker and Me, the twain shall never meet.

A while back, quite a ways back really, a friend called me Suzie Home-maker.

I reacted somewhat violently to that moniker.  I do not like that title.  I don't fit that title.

Even though I probably do damn near all of the things under that title.

Let me explain:

In my mind Suzie Home-maker evoke images of June Cleaver and Martha Stewart.  And honey, I am so fucking removed from those two that I'm on a different planet.  Perfection doesn't mean much to me.  I don't wear make-up on a daily basis, my hair is the bastard offspring of an English Sheepdog and an Elder God that I sacrifice copious amounts of conditioner and hair ties to, dresses are something I wear to fancy shingdigs not to wash the damned dishes.

I knit.  I have two sewing machines that are older than me.  One of which you will pry out of my cold, dead hands.  I need to get them looked at to make sure they still work and figure out what in the hell to do with machine number two.  Because I don't need two.  Not with the one I'm calling Bertha around.

Part of me wants a small(ish) garden.  Why?  Have you seen food prices lately?  It's gods-be-damned economical to grow somethings myself.  It's a project for later.

I am not, nor will I ever be a Suzie Home-maker.  You're more likely to find me in men's cargo shorts and some sort of t-shirt blasting Flogging Molly at close to concert levels--it's nice living with a man with DJ equipment, over cooking a four-course meal in pearls.

Do I hold anything against Suzie's?  Nope.  It's just not me.

Sisyphus had it easier

As my last post stated, I got accepted into a local university.  I'm still in shock over that.  I applied on a whim, not thinking that anything would come of it.  Same with financial aid back in....January.

And therein lies my boulder.  A $737 boulder of student loans.

Let's back up to 1998 when after graduating from school, I went away to college.  I had a scholarship through the school that paid for a quarter of my tuition.  I got financial aid that paid for the rest.  Until someone lost one important piece of paper that my parents and I signed.

Alright.  We have a copy of it.

Oh, no.  We can only accept the original.

I'm not exactly too sure how long my parents argued that one.  All I remember is the possibility that I wasn't going to be able to finish my freshman year.

It came down to getting a couple loans.  We were less than happy, dammit.  We had done everything right.

Due to a massive case of depression and migraines run amok I was asked not to return.

Then my son was born a year or so later.

And my college plans were put on hold.

I've paid off the vast majority of the loans.  It's taken time, because most places don't understand what migraines are.  I've come to accept that.  I deal with it.  I don't want pity.  I don't need pity.  I want a fucking chance, though.

I'm taking a chance on trying to go back to school.  The past three years, I was at the local community college trying to get into the occupational therapy assistance program.  My chances are slim to nil.  My GPA just isn't good enough.  However, most of the classes I took for that program (the generals) also will transfer for a teaching degree.  Hell, I've been teaching my son most of what he knows about English anyway.  Why not?

I can't get financial aid, though.  Not with the $737 student loan hanging over my head.  The university, when I called, said they can't help me get it deferred.  They sent me to a different place.  Oh no, they only deal with financial aid.  Sorry.  You have to talk to the people who hold the loans.  Well, do you know who that may be?  No.  Great.

The system is set up not to help.  I have a rock that I'm pushing.  And the system is trying to shove me back.

Momentary lapse of....something

I'll be back later when I'm more coherent and after battling with the website.

A new normal sound for life.

It took just a few days to fully transfer Imp and I less than two miles from one house to our new one.  So far, things have gone fairly smoothly.

In fact, as I type this, Imp and Mr. DJ are sprawled over their bits of the living room playing some hack'n'slash game on the PS3.  And Mr. DJ just tickled my foot.  The asshole.

I'm not saying that the house isn't still a disaster zone of 'what in the hell are we going to put this' but that will take time.

Side note: I can't find my knitting needle gauge.  I have no damned idea where it went during packing.

The cats, so far, have ignored my knitting.  Lily, the smaller of the two, has claimed my lap as Hers.  Lister, the large black ball of befuddlement kind of ignore me.  Occasionally he'll lay over an arm as I try to fill out an application.

Personally, I'm waiting for the weather to get and stay warm for more than a day or two at a stretch.

I keep my sanity in a box. Somewhere.

Hmmm, bad blogger, bad.  No comments for you.  I swear I didn't forget about this, really.

What can I say?  I've been...not busy, but busy some.  School for a while.  And depression played a part.

Let me rewind a couple decades for you.  I was diagnosed with depression when I was around sixteen or so.  I've had ups and downs ever since.  I've been meaning to call someone about it, but it keeps slipping my mind.  It's on the list.

A little over a year ago, I got bored and created a OkCupid account for giggles.  Almost immediately, I met someone.

Not the best picture, but it was taken with a cell phone.  He and I have been together for over a year now.  Imp and I are moving in with him.

Excuse me while I try to find my sanity in the mess of packing.

When the levee breaks

I live near the Mississippi River in Illinois.  Pretty close to St. Louis.  If anyone's been paying attention to the news lately, you may have noticed that we've gotten just a bit of rain.  Enough to breach a levee in a small town across the river from me earlier this week.

This is the local bridge, the New Clark Bridge.  It will always be called that.  Even though it's twenty years old now.  It was finished during the Flood of '93

The local landmark.  Those silos have two distinguishing marks on them now, there's a black base marking where the water level was in 1973, and roughly 13 feet higher, a red line telling people where the water crested in '93.

At the moment, we're under the '73 flood level, but just barely.

 

People here just shrug, grabs shovels, sandbags, and water pumps.  The river is home to many.  I live far enough away that I'm not effected directly, but some of my family lives on the flood plains.  One house you can see from the highway next to the levee.  

Yes, that last picture is of closed flood gates with water seeping under them.  I have a feeling that if I go back, there'd be sandbags there.

Bad blogger

I've been AWOL for awhile.  For no clear reason, really

While things have happened in my life, I just haven't had the urge to write.  It wasn't there.  It was....irritating.

So, you get a drive-by blog before I go put some make-up on to meet the guy I've been dating for six months or so, so that we can go to the symphony for his birthday.  Don't side-eye me, they're playing Pink Floyd. 

However, I enjoy classical music as well.  So, whatever.

School's done for another semester, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to swing another semester.  Or if I'm even going to get into the program I want.  I'll deal with that later. 

I'm knitting an absolutely fuckawesome star chart of a circular shawl called a Celestarium over on Ravelry.  As well as another beaded shawl for my best friend's wedding.  But something tells me that I may have to start that one over.  It just doesn't look right so far.  I'll have to take it to knit night or something to have it looked at maybe.  Because something about it bugging me to no end.

After the drought of last year, we've got more than enough rain.  I'll see if I can get pictures of the river levels sometime.  It's...impressive.

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue

The past week my college held a small health fair thingie where students could get flu shots (done!), free chair massages (thankyouthankyouthankyou), get you blood pressure taken (still as low as ever, roughly 117/70 or so), get checked for oral cancer (yeah, thanks but no, cancer will get me soon enough. Don't judge, I still have issues), and get screened for depression. I went for two reasons.

 One to get a flu shot. The other for extra credit for one class. In order to get the extra credit, I had to get the depression screening.

Frankly, I knew it would be a waste of time. No, not for what you're thinking. I've been dealing with depression for about half my life. I already know I'm depressed. I don't need some ticky boxes telling me that I am.

This is something that I deal with every.

Fucking. Day. No relief. No vacation. No telling myself that I get to have a break. I can't turn it off. I can't just 'be happy'. That would be like...telling Mt. Pinitubo not to blow. Okay?

 I can't. Not won't. Can't. If you're old enough, you'll remember the this is your brain on drugs commercials from the 80's. If not, I bet they're on YouTube. Want to see what a brain with depression looks like? Go here.

Depression is real. You can't touch it. But it's there. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I've never been suicidal. Even at my lowest. And I've been pretty low. At my lowest, I get the extreme urge to gather my kid, what little I can grab, get the car, and drive until I run out of money and gas. Then start over.

Why?

 Because everything I touch falls apart. Turns to shit. I'm worthless. No good. I can't do anything right. The list goes on and on.

 Only....the list?

It's loud, like acid. Yelling in my ear. And the voices yelling? They're right. So why try?

 Depression is me and countless others trying to struggle while others think we're lazy. Or making crap up. Yeah, not so much. My brain doesn't work like yours, or maybe it does. The chemicals may not be in balance along with come really crappy thinking and learned behavior.

 But by telling me it's my fault? You're adding to the pile. Don't shove me down. Help me up. I've learned that showing my weaknesses out in the so-called real world just leads to nothing but pain and heartache for me. So I don't. I hide my nice, soft, squishy insides under a hard layer of sarcasm.

 Most probably wouldn't realize that I struggle with depression unless I laid it out point-by-point to them. And that's both hurtful and sad. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm hurting myself. I can't get the help I need to dig myself out of the Pit of Despair.

 But I get so tired of people telling me to suck it up. Sorry folks, that only works for so long.

Out of the suit

I freely admit that I'm a geek.  I'm raising a geek (Imp recently made a LEGO mule from Serenity), most of my family seems to be one flavor of geek or another.

 See, isn't it AWESOME?  The blond is River, by the way.  I think he ran out of brunette wigs.  I'm still not sure why Jayne is a Musketeer.

My current geek?  The Avengers movie.  And Iron Man, and Thor, and Captain America, and Sherlock, and...

I know enough about the comics to truly enjoy the movies.  I want to get further into the comics.  Especially Marvel and Dark Horse.  Batman is about the only DC character that I enjoy.  Beats the hell out of me why, it just is.

As stated many times before I am a knitter.  Something that befalls most knitters (if not all, but I try not to make sweeping statements.  It gets me in trouble) is pretty yarn. 

One such enabler is BeunaSuerte.  She's evil!  She has put out a Shwarma yarn club based on various characters from Avengers.  This month was Genius, Billionare, Playboy, Philanthropist.  Tony Freakin' Stark. 

Now, what color should this yarn be?  Huh?  Like I have to ask.

620 yards of Hot rod red and a flash of gold.  In the words of JARVIS, classy.

Aim to misbehave

I knit.  I make no bones about that.  I learned to knit as a way to....meditate, I guess, when I've got a migraine that's not so severe so that I can't see, but still annoying.  The calming, repetitious movement of my knitting needles, hands, and yarn of choice is soothing and very meditative for me.  While I knit, often there's just me, my sticks, and my string.

I've also knit in a couple of my college classes.  I let my teachers know and will stop if they politely ask me to.  For the most part, it seems that as long as I contribute and follow with what's being discussed, they don't care.  I suppose it's better than looking at my crotch while I text.  Or drool onto my desktop.

There's a stigma attached to knitting and crocheting.  It's old.  Only grannies knit.  NO ONE knits (link to a slate.com article).  Blah blah blah.

My answer to the no one knits?  Why does Ravlery.com exist and flourish?  Because there's over two million people of various genders, ages, ethnicity, religions, sexual orientation, et al all doing something with yarn.

Whoopee-doo, right?  Yeah, not so much.  As a whole, ravelers (a term I'll use to encompass spinners, knitters, crocheters, weavers, dyers, and so on) are exceptionally giving people.  The Japanese tsunami?  Folks who had patterns up offered at least part if not most of the proceeds from certain patterns to relief aid.  Then there's Knitters Without Borders, created by the Yarn Harlot to raise money for Doctors Without Borders.

There's also the knitters who knit stuffed critters for kids in hospitals, afghans for Afghanistan, chemo hats, socks/hats/who knows what for armed forces....Bluntly, ravelers are, for the most part giving people.  Now, I'm not saying that folks who don't indulge in the fiber arts aren't giving--far from it.  But DAMN!  There's over two million people creating something for the soul purpose of making someone smile--even it's the knitter (there's selfish knitters, too.  I can be one of them.  A simple thank you will do wonders, however, to fix this phenomena.  That's all we want.  An honest thank you). 

Ravlery, back in '08, decided to cheer on the Olympics by creating The Ravelympics.  The soul purpose of this?  To challenge yourself to go outside your comfort zone and learn something new.  The only person you can really compete against is yourself.  Oh, and the time limit?  Opening ceremonies to closing.  Enjoy!

So, the fun of Ravelympics has fostered, from what I understand, community, a sense of dude, I can really do intarsia/cabling/lacework/socks/a sweater/whatever, and camaraderie as we all watch the games.  This will be my first year participating.  I plan on a beaded shawl and somehow taking someone else's pattern (with permission) and figuring out how to adjust it to something much, much smaller.  These are challenges for me.  I'm looking forward to it.  If I complete my projects?  I get a little icon that's basically a 'GO YOU!' for my bio page on ravelry.  Simple, right?

Yeah....well, our beloved CodeMonkey, Casey--co-founder of ravelry with his wife, received the following letter earlier this month:

Dear Mr. Forbes,
In March 14, 2011, my colleague, Carol Gross, corresponded with your attorney, Craig Selmach [sic], in regard to a pin listed as the “2010 Ravelympic Badge of Glory.”  At that time, she explained that the use of RAVELYMPIC infringed upon the USOC’s intellectual property rights, and you kindly removed the pin from the website.  I was hoping to close our file on this matter, but upon further review of your website, I found more infringing content.
By way of review, the USOC is a non-profit corporation chartered by Congress to coordinate, promote and govern all international amateur athletic activities in the United States.  The USOC therefore is responsible for training, entering and underwriting U.S. Teams in the Olympic Games.  Unlike the National Olympic Committees of many other countries, the USOC does not rely on federal funding to support all of its efforts.  Therefore, in order to fulfill our responsibilities without the need for federal funding, Congress granted the USOC the exclusive right to use and control the commercial use of the word OLYMPIC a and any simulation or combination thereof in the United States, as well as the OLYMPIC SYMBOL.  See the Olympic and Amateur Sports Act, 36 U.S.C. §220501 et seq. (the “Act”).  (A copy of the relevant portion of the Act is enclosed for your convenience.)  The Act prohibits the unauthorized use of the Olympic Symbol or the mark OLYMPIC and derivations thereof for any commercial purpose or for any competition, such as the one organized through your website.  See 36 U.S.C. §220506(c).  The USOC primarily relies on legitimate sponsorship fees and licensing revenues to support U.S. Olympic athletes and finance this country’s participation in the Olympic Games.  Other companies, like Nike and Ralph Lauren, have paid substantial sums for the right to use Olympic-related marks, and through their sponsorships support the U.S. Olympic Team.  Therefore, it is important that we restrict the use of Olympic marks and protect the rights of companies who financially support Team USA.
In addition to the protections of the Act discussed above, the USOC also owns numerous trademark registration that include the mark OLYMPIC. These marks therefore are protected under the Lanham Act, 15 U.S.C. §1051 et seq. Thus, Ravelry.com’s unauthorized use of the mark OLYMPIC or derivations thereof, such as RAVELYMPICS, may constitute trademark infringement, unfair competition and dilution of our famous trademarks.
The USOC would like to settle this matter on an amicable basis. However, we must request the following actions be taken.
1.  Changing the name of the event, the “Ravelympics.”;  The athletes of Team USA have usually spent the better part of their entire lives training for the opportunity to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them.  For many, the Olympics represent the pinnacle of their sporting career.  Over more than a century, the Olympic Games have brought athletes around the world together to compete in an event that has come to mean much more than just a competition between the world’s best athletes.  The Olympic Games represent ideals that go beyond sport to encompass culture and education, tolerance and respect, world peace and harmony.
The USOC is responsible for preserving the Olympic Movement and its ideals within the United States.  Part of that responsibility is to ensure that Olympic trademarks, imagery and terminology are protected and given the appropriate respect.  We believe using the name “Ravelympics” for a competition that involves an afghan marathon, scarf hockey and sweater triathlon, among others, tends to denigrate the true nature of the Olympic Games.  In a sense, it is disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes and fails to recognize or appreciate their hard work.
It looks as if this is the third time that the Ravelympics have been organized, each coinciding with an Olympic year (2008, 2010, and 2012).  The name Ravelympics is clearly derived from the terms “Ravelry” (the name of your website) and OLYMPICS, making RAVELYMPICS a simulation of the mark OLYMPIC tending to falsely suggest a connection to the Olympic Movement.  Thus, the use of RAVELYMPICS is prohibited by the Act.  Knowing this, we are sure that you can appreciate the need for you to re-name the event, to something like the Ravelry Games.
1.  Removal of Olympic Symbols in patterns, projects, etc.   As stated before, the USOC receives no funding from the government to support this country’s Olympic athletes.  The USOC relies upon official licensing and sponsorship fees to raise the funds necessary to fulfill its mission. Therefore, the USOC reserves use of Olympic terminology and trademarks to our official sponsors, suppliers and licensees.  The patterns and projects featuring the Olympic Symbol on Ravelry.com’s website are not licensed and therefore unauthorized.  The USOC respectfully asks that all such patterns and projects be removed from your site.
For your convenience, we have listed some of the patterns featuring Olympic trademarks.  However, this list should be viewed as illustrative rather than exhaustive.  The USOC requests that all patterns involving Olympic trademarks be removed from the website.  We further request that  you rename various patterns that may not feature Olympic trademarks in the design but improperly use Olympic in the pattern name.
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/olympics-rings-af...\
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/vancouver-2010-ol...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/2010-olympics-inu...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/olympic-swimmer-d...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/2008-olympic-ring...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/olympic-rings-nec...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/bode-miller-hat-2...
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/usa-olympic-hat
http://www.ravelry.com/projects/belgianwaffleknit/usa-oly...
Thank you for your time and attention to this matter.  We would appreciate a written reply to this letter by no later than June 19, 2012.  If you would like to discuss this matter directly, please feel free to contact me at the number above, or you may reach my colleague, Carol Gross.
Kindest Regards,
B**** ******
Law Clerk
Office of the General Counsel
United States Olympic Committee
1 Olympic Plaza
Colorado Springs, CO 80909

Our CodeMonkey is talking to Rav's lawyers about this.  And frankly, the person who sent this is an intern.  I'm not gonna post his name.  It's out there if you really want it.

Now, let's get down to what has two million people...cranky.  We understand the copyright infringement.  Although, the pin thing they're mentioning?  Is something started back in '08 again, and I'm pretty sure that proceeds went to Special Olympics.  And knowing my fellow fiber addicts, the same for '10, and probably again for this year as well.  I don't know for certain, so I refuse to say one way or another.

What pissed us the hell off in a large, large way was this:

  Changing the name of the event, the “Ravelympics.”;  The athletes of Team USA have usually spent the better part of their entire lives training for the opportunity to compete at the Olympic Games and represent their country in a sport that means everything to them.  For many, the Olympics represent the pinnacle of their sporting career.  Over more than a century, the Olympic Games have brought athletes around the world together to compete in an event that has come to mean much more than just a competition between the world’s best athletes.  The Olympic Games represent ideals that go beyond sport to encompass culture and education, tolerance and respect, world peace and harmony.

The USOC is responsible for preserving the Olympic Movement and its ideals within the United States.  Part of that responsibility is to ensure that Olympic trademarks, imagery and terminology are protected and given the appropriate respect.  We believe using the name “Ravelympics” for a competition that involves an afghan marathon, scarf hockey and sweater triathlon, among others, tends to denigrate the true nature of the Olympic Games.  In a sense, it is disrespectful to our country’s finest athletes and fails to recognize or appreciate their hard work.

I'm sorry, but, uhm, don't you need to give respect before you get it?  How in the HELL is knitting while most of us watch the games 'denigrate' said athletes?  Quite frankly, do you know how much time actually goes into an afghan or a sweater?  Frankly, neither do I.  That's not the point.  The point is this person, who is representing the USOC, is being disrespectful, showing no tolerance, and definitely no damned harmony when it comes to a bunch of ravelers who just want to have some organized fun.  It's a two week long (I think) world-wide stitch'n'bitch, folks!  There are no medals!  If there's prizes it's on a team-by-team case.  In fact, one team I'm participating with is giving away some prizes, the other isn't.  The prizes aren't the damned point!  The sense of community is!

This has pissed me off so completely, that I feel that an Oatmeal-styled response is needed for the idiocy.  Instead of making something for myself, I think I might plan on some chemo caps, some stuffed animals for kids at the local Shriner's hospital, maybe talk to fellow local knitters about a group project for a no-kill shelter, possibly something for a women's shelter, or more hats for a homeless shelter.  Anything that can go to charity is going to be my goal.

Screw the asshats who think we'll just 'yeah whatever'.  Dudes, we've got an author bribing Steven Colbert with hand kit socks if he takes the story.  Gawker has, umpteen billion blogs by my fellow knitters have typed up their feelings (yeah, call me a sheep, whatever.  They provide me with fiber) along with me.  Twitter has blown up over this stupid bit of what feels like moronic litigation.  I won't touch facebook, but I know that's a shitstorm.

Frankly, USOC, if you wanted us to change the name, all you have to do is ask nicely.  By denigrating us?  You just look like a dick.

Knitters are left and right wing, along with right down the center.  We are both religious and non, single and married, have kids and don't have kids, go to protests and don't give a crap, we enjoy sports and could care less about some, we are gamers and non, geeks and not, we have PhD's and GED's, the list goes on.  In fact, I can sum it up thanks to Joe of Popculturezoo.com, who has a knitter for a wife: